Why didn’t she just leave?
It is the most common question in true crime. And the answer the public lands on is almost always wrong.
The assumption underneath the question is that staying is a choice made freely. That awareness protects you. That intelligence is armor. That the person inside the relationship has the same clarity as the person watching from the outside. Thirty years of clinical research says none of that is true.
Mica Miller told police her husband was grooming her. She filed for divorce. And she went back. Asa Ellerup defended Rex Heuermann for three years after his arrest — then he pleaded guilty to eight murders inside her home. Eric Richins told his family his wife Kouri would be responsible if anything happened to him — and got back in bed. Maggie Murdaugh had reportedly already consulted a divorce attorney and still drove to Moselle when Alex asked her to come.
Four people. Four relationships. Four versions of the same impossible question.
Psychotherapist Shavaun Scott has spent more than three decades working with survivors who dismantle every assumption the public holds about why people stay. She recently wrote about the neuroscience behind these dynamics on her Substack, Spotlight on Psychology. In this full three-part conversation with Tony Brueski, she explains how trauma bonds override awareness, how agency erodes through a thousand small compromises, and why the most dangerous moment in any abusive relationship is the moment someone decides to leave.
If you listen to one episode this year, make it this one.
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This publication contains commentary and opinion based on publicly available information. All individuals are presumed innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. Nothing published here should be taken as a statement of fact, health or legal advice.
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#MicaMiller #MaggieMurdaugh #AsaEllerup #RexHeuermann #EricRichins #KouriRichins #TraumaBonding #DomesticViolence #ShavaunScott #HiddenKillers
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